BDSM (bondage and submission) can be frightening to those who do not fully understand its place in a stable relationship.

What is BDSM

The acronym brings to mind underground organizations, illicit sex clubs, secret rooms with chains on the walls and perverted sadism.

Most people who participate in bondage games, however, do not progress beyond mild pain and restraint.

In a healthy relationship, both participants will be in agreement as to how far things are allowed to go, and acts of bondage turn into an incredibly rewarding and mutually satisfying experience.

Bondage accessories featured in horror flicks and violent BDSM porn lean towards the extreme, but for beginners, there are many ways to begin the process of heightening the pleasure with mild restrains or merely a hint of pain.

Many practitioners affirm that in states of extreme arousal the pain/pleasure receptors can become a little blurred, heightening the experience and leading to a more powerful connection between the participants.

Most couples have experienced proof of this themselves during “normal” sexual contact – somehow positions that would be downright impossible at any other time do not even seem to register as uncomfortable during really good sex.

Bondage accessories can take this to the next level, linking the discomfort level with feelings of arousal until the two begin to feed off each other.

The sensations are not just physical – they are emotional and psychological as well.

Fantasy plays a large part in most bondage scenarios – the idea of being completely subjugated is a huge turn on for many people and even slightly more violent fantasies including forcible sex acts or outright rape are common.

As long as it is completely understood that acting out fantasy is only permissible when both parties are in complete agreement, there is no harm to mild to moderate roughness during sex play.

In the most balanced relationships, partners will take turns being dominant or submissive.

Bondage and submission are about control – both the taking and the surrendering of it – so the most basic bondage accessories simply provide a way to control and restrain the “bottom” in the encounter, giving all the power to the “top”.

These restrain can range from blindfolds (sight deprivation heightens other senses) or simple scarves for binding the wrist and ankles to padded handcuffs, leather straps, and more specialized equipment.

Feather ticklers are popular for those into light bondage who wish to “torture” their helpless partner in a non-painful way.

Many couples stop at this stage of BDSM, finding sufficient excitement in the ability to completely subdue and control their partner.

Others choose to move on and add mild to moderate pain into the equation, always with a “safe world’ that the “bottom” can use if the sensations become too intense.

Accessories for heavier bondage session can include whips, paddles, nipple and clitoris clamps or cock rings.

Some couples combine various forms of restraint with “abuse” or “punishment” or play out elaborate fantasy scenarios of master/mistress and slave/servant.

Hardcore bondage and submission move further into total domination on the part of the “top” and subjugation of the “bottom”.

This is where the market exists for accessories such as ball gags, leather hoods, choke collars, bits, and enema equipment.

More severe restraint systems such as shackles, hanging apparatus, stirrups, and kneeling chairs or benches are used and spikes are often mounted on the inside of restraints to prevent resistance and add pain.

Enema apparatus, devices to prevent erections or orgasm, and spreaders for use on various orifices are also available.

Does Bondage accessories cause pain?

Bondage accessories should not cause any more pain than what they are designed for, which makes it important to look for high-quality gear.

Padded hands cuffs should not chafe, ball gags should not dislocate the jaw, whips should not cause bleeding or scarring and clamps should not cause lasting damage.

The idea of bondage games is that they should enhance sexual pleasure, not serve as an avenue for one person to hurt the other for the sake of pain alone.

Where to start BDSM

Those new to BDSM are encountered to take things slow. Study the practices and read literature about the subject with your partner first.

Having a safe word is an absolute must, and no one should ever engage in bondage activity with someone they do not trust completely.

True bondage and submission play is predicated on absolute trust – the bottom trusts that the top will not go too far, and the top trusts the bottom to cry a half if they have had enough.

Bondage Accessories

Having the proper accessories for the type of bondage you wish to engage in is key. Clearly define the upper level of pain that is permissible, and purchase accessories that will not exceed this agreement.

This adds an additional fail-safe to prevent things from getting out of hand.

As BDSM becomes more familiar and trust is built between participants, additional gear can be acquired to reach new levels of bondage and submission.

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